Hirate Yurina
2017.12.15
Feelings are different every day...
Each day, each moment, seeing that moment's scenes, colours, objects, people's actions, their expressions.
Each day, each moment, one's body touched by that moment's wind, by its objects,
By the voices and sounds one hears.
There is much, much more, and I think a person's feelings will continue to casually change, as the days and months go by.
I want to treasure that heart.
Living in a world
Where time never stops...
I want to be honest with myself.
___________________________________________________
written evening 171214, posted 171215 00:25h
A recent photo from the Girls Locks radio show:
Techi went five months without posting to her blog, and when the post came, it was a poem that caused confusion and some alarm. The post was translated just after it was posted, but since I'm translating all her posts, I decided I had to do a version.
People worry that what she writes suggests she may follow her feelings away from Keyakizaka. This is possible, but I think mainly it just refers to her determination to stay true to her immediate and momentary feelings. Maybe she has to really feel things honestly to perform with the emotional intensity she does.
This post may be her non-apologetic apology for the summer. I don't want to go overboard, but, "Here I stand, I can do no other," is what she may be saying.
People have been worried by her use of boku for "I" in the last line, since it is generally a masculine pronoun. But many Keyakizaka songs use that pronoun, so it probably has no special significance here. One Japanese comment suggested that she chose it because it felt a bit less personal, and therefore less direct, than atashi/watashi.
People were also worried by the "much, much more," but I'm not reading it as referring to bad things, in particular, just the exciting and unsettling flow of daily change.
The poem seems to me mainly to refer to her own changing feelings, but it could also be talking about the changing feelings of others toward her, and her determination not to be untrue to herself just because other people don't like what her true feelings lead her to do.
People say it sounds like the lyrics of a song.
The post is not that easy to interpret, and my understanding of it is both tentative and slightly different from the translation we already have. Poems are like that, I guess.
There's lots of talk around about her dropping back from centre, or even graduating, but I myself expect (and hope) she will be there again for the next single. And the emotional roller-coaster ride may continue -- hopefully in a form that doesn't include her waking up in the morning feeling that she can't perform a certain song that day.
In a recent post, Neru said something that struck me: "When we have something, we don't want it. When we don't have enough of something, we come to desire it more!!! Aren't human beings strange!" This is probably just a general (and accurate) observation. But I couldn't help imagining Techi, perhaps contemplating getting away from all this, realizing she actually wants to be centre in Keyakizaka46 and do more amazing things with them on stage.
Just as a little addendum, I see that Hirai Ken has said that Techi didn't talk much during their collaboration, but it struck him when, as someone born in the 2000s, she referred to him as "someone born in the 1000s." He laughed that it put him in the same category as Minamoto no Yoritomo (~1200 AD).
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